The tales of a disgruntled miss Independent
My friend is going through that phase where she is panicking about whether she will ever find the man of her dreams. I keep telling her “Girl, chill out, the sea is not empty yet”. She recently went on a date with this new guy she is seeing, and now she knows what she wants in life, and I admire her so much for that. Before she even goes on a date with a guy, she has to have conversated with him for a while and after the first date, if she is not feeling it, she is not the “Let’s see where it can go” type of girl. Maybe that’s why she is not married yet. Anyway, I asked her, “How did this one go? Do you think he is the one?”, she stared into space and after a while replied, “Yea he might be, but he asked me if we should do Dutch”. I also paused and stared into space, what does that mean, I thought. “So, for the rest of the date, we ended up talking about doing Dutch and women becoming more independent.” So, “do Dutch”, basically means splitting the bill. This made me ponder about a statement I once read which said – “These days women are now becoming the men they once dreamt of marrying”. Unfortunately, I can’t help but feel like that’s somewhat true. Why is it that many women don’t rely on men as much anymore, is it because we don’t need them, is it because they are not providing what we are seeking? Is a man no longer a man if he can’t provide? Should women turn down their independence just to maintain the man’s ego? [bctt tweet=”Women are now becoming the men they once dreamt of marrying” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] That’s a flat out, big NO for me. Women have been oppressed and have had their rights suppressed for a long time. Now that we have more privileges and equal opportunities, some men and women are slightly uncomfortable with our liberation. So much so that some women feel the need to hide their ambition. There is something endearing about being humble, but there is a difference in taming yourself down because some people are uncomfortable with your star qualities. [bctt tweet=”You don’t win by playing small” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] There are men out there who feel threatened if their woman is earning more than them and they feel like they are not enough. If a man feels threatened by your independence, then those are his insecurities he needs to work on, not yours. You shouldn’t have to pretend to be less just to please him. The independence of a woman can often destroy a man’s masculinity. There is absolutely nothing wrong in building together with your man, he makes his own money and you make your own too. There is also nothing wrong with sitting back and letting your man treat you and you doing the same for him. As long as the woman is not putting down her man because she is richer or more powerful than him, a happy, balanced, healthy relationship can be boded. These are just some of the things you suss out when you begin dating someone, are they comfortable with you being the bomb ass woman that you are, can they handle you, what does their ego say about you being this boss chick? It is as simple as asking your potential suitor those direct questions. Society depicts that the man should be the main provider of a family. As women, we should allow the man to be who he is and who he is destined to be. Our life’s purpose does not take priority over his your opinions don’t matter more because you have more money or are more powerful than he is. In relationships, you often have to compromise yourself and compromising is not betrayal. When you find yourself having to kill your true, authentic, hardworking, go-getter self, its yourself you’re betraying. You don’t have to kill who you are to please your counterpart. Independent women are often deemed as high maintenance, sometimes greedy and their standards are too high. Well if you don’t set boundaries or standards you will settle for whatever is handed to you in life and you will never be fulfilled. Having said all this not all men think the same. Sometimes men want more than just an independent successful woman with her own money. Hopefully, there is more to you than just your successes. What are your family values, what are you like as a person without all your accomplishments? Are you really this well rounded independent successful woman in all areas of your life. It may not be your independence and success that’s putting men off you. It’s a matter of looking inwardly, are you really this gracious, strong Queen you say you are? [bctt tweet=”Standards only scare off people who are not willing to make an effort with you.” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] We were all put on this earth for a different purpose and we each have a duty to fulfill our purposes before we die, whether we become richer or more powerful than our male counterpart and vice versa. You never need to tone down your ambition. Some men will take pride in having a woman who works for her own because even an independent successful woman still has her vulnerabilities. After all, she is human. Got an article you’d like to share with us? Share your story with us here.
Amarachi Attamah: It hasn’t been easy, but we have succeeded
Sometimes it takes another eye to see and encourage you for you to know that what you are doing really makes sense! Amarachi Attamah is just a young simple Igbo girl. She is someone who scribbles some lines and calls them poetry. Amarachi, by career is a broadcaster and she has worked with different radio and television stations. As a young woman who loves who she is, Amarachi’s career draws from her identity, her roots and her cultural heritage. “My father would always say, ‘When you go out, remember that you have roots, so don’t go out and get lost’”, she says. Today, Amarachi is a performing poet specifically in Igbo language, and a writer. She has four published titles which include, “My Broad Daydream”, “Tomorrow’s Twist”, “Making a Difference” and her first Igbo collection, ‘’Akuko Ifo Nnem ochie koro m” (Folktales my Grandmother Told Me). SLA contributor Onyekachukwu Asadu met Amarachi in Enugu to find out more about what she does and how it is contributing to the growth of her community. Do you think you are making a difference? If yes, how are you making a difference in your community? Of course, I think I am making a difference. If I am not, I wouldn’t have continued what I am doing. However, the encouragement comes from seeing that what you do, actually makes a difference, even if it seems so stupid sometimes or unrealistic. I was born in Northern Nigeria and I grew up amongst a people that know who they are and are proud of it. As a child in that environment, I would tell you that I never saw a northern child that couldn’t speak their indigenous language; be it Hausa, Gwari, Nupe or whatever. They speak their language. They were always proud of their local food, or dressing. However, coming back to the east, I noticed that it was different; we were not even proud of our names. This got me worried and I made a resolve that the negative trend of denying our culture had to stop. I am proud of my identity and culture, and I have to make others see the same. So I thought to myself, ‘perhaps I should bring in this consciousness’. Honestly, I can’t tell when it started. When I was doing my NYSC, I wasn’t quite fluent in Igbo language but in my local dialect (Nsukka). I had published my first Igbo collection in 2007 and it was during that time that I met the literary icon, Professor Anezi Okoro. Despite my challenges at speaking and writing the Igbo language (I had failed Igbo language in my Senior School certificate examinations!) he encouraged me to do something in Igbo. I remained resilient and kept learning. I decided to dress in Igbo attires, making Igbo hairstyles. During that time, I started thinking of how to present my poetry and when I started displaying my craft on stage, I got a good response! So I continued, I never planned it but I saw the opportunity and so I started creating awareness about Igbo language and culture. I went to secondary schools, talking to students and teachers and parents; persuading them to speak the Igbo language. From there, we got the inspiration to organize festivals where schools make presentations and cultural displays in the Igbo language, then we published a collection of poems rendered by students. Gradually, people started coming around and getting involved with what we do. We have not gotten there yet but we have engaged the community, we have increased their consciousness and we are restoring the dignity of the Igbo race. Tell us about OJA Cultural Development Initiative. What plans are you making to reach and impact a global audience? OJA is ‘Odinala na omenala jikoro anyi’, which implies the culture and traditions that bind us together. It is an NGO created out of my passion to unite people. As a broadcaster working in the civil service, I discovered that even with most employees coming from Enugu State, there was still discrimination and segregation along village and local government lines. This did not sit well with me. I also realized that at the village level, certain positive elements/practices of our culture that united us was no longer there. For example, the women associations that changed the communities, the kinsmen and age grade meetings were no longer as strong and edifying as they used to be. This is because we accepted/adopted the foreign individualistic style of living that is not our cultural heritage. In as much as culture can be modified, we should not destroy our culture or lose the major ingredients that bind us together. This is why OJA is working with the younger generation because they are the ones that are mostly affected by this. To achieve this, we introduce regular festivals to bring these kids together and remind them of who they are. We go around reviving positive cultural practices that are going down. We don’t promote clandestine practices, after all, beyond Nigeria; there are cultures that are repugnant to natural existence. In addition to OJA, we also have a cultural outfit, Nwadioranma (The child that puts smiles on people’s faces) outfit. It is into cultural performances and all creative enterprise promoting our culture. People call us to perform at their events for entertainment. We also train young and consenting adults to work with us there to raise funds and further support our work. [bctt tweet=”Amarachi Attamah’s passion to unite young people and preserve Igbo culture with the OJA Cultural Development Initiative” via=”no”] You once worked with a Broadcasting house. As a Mass communication graduate, tell us how you perceived it was time to leave paid employment to becoming the one calling the shots? As you know, world changers are not regular employees. The world needs people with passion to drive a cause. To drive a cause, you must be creative. People will say you are crazy, they will assume you are not well.
Janine Gaëlle Dieudji: I like changing and renewing myself
[bctt tweet=”We don’t have to be afraid to share ideas with people, this is how beautiful things happen” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Janine Gaëlle Dieudji is a bi-national French and Cameroonian graduate of Culture and International Relations from Lyon 3 University in France. She also holds a Master Degree in Political Science from Paris 2 Panthéon Assas University. She’s been living in Florence, Italy, for the past six years, a city she has since fallen in love with. This is how Florence became home to her and the place where she started to build her career as an art professional. She considers herself as a ‘multilocal’ by believing that we belong to all the places we have lived in. Home is where the mind can create and feel rested at the same time. This is what the life journey is made for, exploring to become the person we decide to be. Janine, what is an art agitator? I consider as an art agitator to be a person who makes the difference. For me, it’s a person who makes the art scene move and is committed to it. It could be a curator, an artist, an art dealer, a gallerist or a collector. The ability to inspire others by your achievements and the way you humbly contribute to the dynamism of this versatile field. What gave you the sparks to follow this career path? Well, I truly love what I do which helps a lot. The absolute truth is that this path in a certain way chose me, actually. First when I landed six years ago in the renaissance city, Florence. I was there for a year through a study exchange program (Erasmus). I had no idea six years later I would still be here, but I fell in love with this city, and every time I tried to leave (I have tried three times), I always come back after a couple of months. The second time (in 2012) I was about to leave Florence because I wasn’t happy professionally. Then, randomly, I met the artist Clet Abraham. We quickly got along and I think he saw something in me, which became a working relationship. After six months in Lyon to complete my Master’s degree, we started a three year, beautiful and enriching collaboration. Two years before Clet, I had a two month internship at the city hall of Rosny-sous-Bois in France where I assisted the Director of the Cultural Department in the organization of Beninese artist Zinkpè’s exhibition. At that time, I wanted to be a journalist or work in a cultural department of an international organization like the UN, La Francophonie or a French Institute abroad. What’s the best way for one to make a name for themselves? It may sounds cliché, but I would say to be yourself, stay humble and always be curious to learn something new. I believe that these ingredients make people excel at what they do. Humility and originality are the key, but also the hard work you put on it. One can not forget that fears and struggles are important in ones daily development. [bctt tweet=”Humility and originality are key to making a name for yourself – Janine Gaelle Dieudji” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] How is it like working with talented people such as Johanne Affricot of Griotmag.com? It’s definitely inspiring. Johanne Affricot is one of a kind and I’m very grateful to work with her. She’s multi-tasks, a great mom, a wife and a do-er with no fear. She created Griotmag.com two years ago, the first Italian webzine celebrating an aesthetic, creative and cultural diversity in and from Italy – African Italians – and the African diaspora. From this project, she pushed forward by creating a webserie, The Expats – a a documentary web series exploring the lives of African Italian creatives living abroad in the search of new opportunities. Two new episodes filmed in London will be released by the end of this month. The use of the term in the title of the series is meant to be provocative and encourage reflection not only about the idea of black Italians in Italy and abroad but also Italians who do not know this “different” or “diverse” Italy. I was very excited when she approached me a year ago, we immediately clicked the first time we met, we have a lot in common and work well together. [bctt tweet=”I realized that together we do better and we go further – Janine Gaelle Dieudji” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] You have a lot of experience as a contributor. What is the most valuable thing you have learnt so far? I realized that together we do better and we go further. I like changing and renewing myself so being a contributor on different projects makes me do different things and it’s exciting. I recently collaborated with Justin Thompson on the organization of the Black History Month Florence, we had at least 50 events all over the city, in only one month. My main satisfaction was the Clay Apenouvon’s installation “Film noir, danse de survie” which I curated in collaboration with the City Hall and Institut Français Firenze. I met Clay almost two years ago at 1:54 art fair in London where I discovered his work and I love how down to earth the artist was. After that, we decided we want to collaborate, so we started in Florence, and hopefully will do more in the future. My point is we don’t have to be shy or afraid to share ideas with people, this is how beautiful things happen, by putting our strengths, capacities, and inspirations together. With this philosophy, I’m actually doing a collaboration with Wires eyewear on the Italian and French market, and I’m planning to organize a Street Art Festival in Cameroon for 2018, as soon as I find some partners to fund it. So Janine is also a translator. Is there a code of ethics when it comes to translating? I’m new in this field actually; I started a couple of months ago in a
Lukunse Betty Paulls: I want to create awareness about the history and culture of Africa
[bctt tweet=” There is nothing as satisfying as watching a seed you have planted grow @LukunseBettyPaulls” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] At 21, Lukunse Betty Paulls has already accomplished more than most women her age could even dream of. The Kampala native who is currently working towards her degree in Business Administration at Ashesi University in Ghana, is also a model, blogger and writer. Most recently, she added the title of social/cultural ambassador to her resume. What began as a simple idea to find a way to showcase the richness and diversity of African culture has turned into Mutima_Wangu, an online platform that seeks to create awareness about the history and culture of Africa in different settings. Over the past year, Lukunse has directed a lot of effort towards growing the platform. She’s orchestrated everything from picking the concept, finding models and photographers and even doing a bit of creative directing herself. In her own words “Africa is rich (in culture), let us never forget that”. For someone so young, you already have quite a list of accomplishments under your belt. Could you share with our readers your story so they understand your journey and how you have managed to take on all these roles successfully? I don’t see them as many achievements but thank you. To be honest, I still feel like my journey has only just begun. I started writing at fourteen, even though my writing still hasn’t garnered much publicity. I self-published my first poetry collection in early 2015, and the other two books shortly after joining Ashesi. As for modelling, I had my first photoshoot ever in June 2015. It was a great experience and the support I received from my manager and the filmmakers at the Uganda National Theatre was overwhelming. I’ve done a bit of modelling and had a few photo-shoots since moving to Ghana as well. I started blogging on and off since January 2015 and have only recently decided to start blogging more consistently and using that as a platform to share my voice and my work. And finally, about being a cultural ambassador, I guess that came about when I realized I could not focus on modelling without combining it with something else. For me, that something was art. I have no intentions of being a runway model. I have always focused more on the more commercial aspect of modelling than the typical struggle of making it as a runway Queen. And I decided that if I was going to take the commercial route, I wanted to do it in a way that would be beneficial to society. Bearing all this in mind, I went through a period of soul-searching and consulting with my mentors Kobby Graham and Dean TK, and through this the idea for Mutima_Wangu was born. I checked out the website for Mutima_Wangu and I think it’s really impressive how you are working to develop a platform that not only showcases but celebrates the diversity of African cultures. How did you come up with the concept and what are you hoping to accomplish through this platform? The idea for Mutima_Wangu first came to me in my philosophy class. I’m a firm believer in acting on an idea the moment it is conceived and so I knew I had to do something about it. But I also realized that I could not do it on my own, so I started looking for photographers on campus and sharing my idea with them until I found one who was willing to work with me. Next, I scouted potential models for the project. For Mutima_Wangu, it was never about finding the girl or boy who was perfect for the runway, it was more about finding the person whose composure suited the craft. Through this project, we are teaching people what being African means to us and we demand to be heard. Our ultimate goal is to create awareness about the history and culture of Africa in different settings. [bctt tweet=”Our goal is to create awareness about African history and culture @LukunseBettyPaulls” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] What is the process like for curating the content on the platform? How do you identify the topics that are discussed, what is the research process like and how do you decide on what aspects of the topic are important enough to be showcased and how? To be honest, the process is not hard. I personally think that there is a lot of content to choose from. I also believe that I am naturally creative. So when an idea pops up into my mind, I note it down. I also get ideas from my sketches, from lectures I attend, from the literature I read and the images I see, from conversations with my neighbors and from observing people I meet. My sources of inspiration are limitless and once an idea is conceived, I work on expanding it and bringing it to life. Throughout this process of creation, I remind myself that there must be story, a lesson, a history, a piece of information that the idea delivers to the intended audience. In the end, it must be art. What have been some of the biggest challenges you have faced in running this social enterprise? So far the biggest challenge has been sourcing funds for the project. We are in the process of devising the best strategy to get sponsorship to drive Mutima_Wangu forward. I did not realize how expensive this project would be when I started it. But after completing our first shoot, and seeing the number of people who would like to be part of this project, especially those who would feature as models, I quickly realized that it was going to cost more than I had expected. It takes a lot of time and effort to come up with a concept and implement it, it takes time to style all the models, to bring the concept to life the way I envision. There are costs involved in shooting, directing the project and securing the