4 self-care strategies for new career moms.
Adjusting to life as a new mom while balancing school, a job or business can be difficult. It’s easy to forget to prioritize your own needs. When you forget to take care of yourself, it’s hard to give your best to the people you love and the things that matter to you. After 6 weeks of being a new mom, Zimkhitha Mathunjwa shares her personal tips on how to prioritize your mental and physical health as a career mom. 1. Beyond the ‘bounce back’: take time for yourself As a new mom, your postpartum recovery is about more than your body. Along with physical changes, you also deal with mental challenges like negotiating your identity. Your life is more than work and motherhood. Simple things like taking a lunch break away from your desk, getting my hair and nails done, drinking tea and curling up with a book, help remind you of your own identity outside work and parenthood. 2. Lean on your support system: it takes a village A big kudos to any parent who has ever had to do it with no support. If you’re lucky enough to have people around to assist you, accept the help. Without husbae and my family’s active involvement in our tiny human’s development, I would not be as snatched with edges intact as I am right now. Use some of your time away to hang out with grown-ups. Focus on nurturing your most meaningful relationships. If you feel a little bit guilty – it’s normal. On my first date night away from the baby, I constantly checked in with my mother-in-law. I eventually allowed myself to relax and enjoy the time out. So can you! 3. Filter out the noise: set boundaries As a new career mom, you become privy to a lot of well-meaning advice that might not be right for you. You must be discerning and accept only the advice you deem resourceful. Filter out the noise by setting clear boundaries. 4. Learn to trust yourself To every mother, biologically or otherwise – you are doing great. Trust the process and most importantly, trust YOURSELF! Ungazilibali is an isiXhosa (South African) word meaning ‘do not forget yourself’. It’s the word I think about when I’m faced with self-doubt and anxiety in balancing work and parenting. When those moments come, it’s important to have one go-to thought that reminds you of why you are a badass! I think of my mother, grandmother (RIP) and mother-in-law, my role models. Remembering that I come from a line of strong women helps me re-center myself. They did a stellar job, and so can I. Life as a new career mom is not a walk in the park, but if you can take time for yourself, lean on the support of people who love you, set boundaries and learn to trust yourself, you’ll be physically and mentally okay. When all else fails, ungazilibali. Don’t forget (or lose) yourself on this journey! Are you mentally exhausted? Get Peace Hyde’s free tips for fighting against the odds here.
Oluwatoyin Egedi: From Stay at Home Mom to Piloting Women Empowerment
Oluwatoyin Egedi is a Civil Engineer by training but an entrepreneur by decision. She currently sits as the CEO of Rullion Capacity Builders Foundation – a social enterprise that seeks to empower women with skills to start profitable businesses right from home. The vision for her is to use the vehicle of skill acquisition to ameliorate women’s capacity and enhance their chances for economic enrichment. Why did you start a women empowerment center? I started Rullion Capacity in 2014 – a women empowerment center from a personal encounter and insight into the need for women to be skilled and have the capacity to generate income as stay at home moms. This center was born at a time when I also needed to be empowered – I had just had my third baby and the few job interviews I attended didn’t expressly say, but once they learned I was married and had children, the odds tilted away from me. Later, I realized that in an employers’ eyes, a married woman with children meant more off days, more sick leaves, the bottom line, fewer work hours. Without getting any offers, I decided that rather than just sit at home idle, I would learn a skill. I settled for small chops and cocktails. The program was very affordable as it was subsidized by the church and I was amazed at the number of women who attended the skill empowerment. With the knowledge, I garnered from working in the advertising industry before being a stay at home mum, in no time I was selling my finger foods at events and was making some income even though I was working from home. Soon, I discovered that a lot of the other women who attended that program with me were not grounded in basic business skills and were waiting to get funds to rent a space before they start a business. Instantly, I knew this was an error, and thought about how I could change this. I gathered a group of friends and with further discussions, we saw there was a need to change the mindset of so many women who think being a stay at home moms meant being without avenues to generate income. We launched a skill acquisition program laced with business skills in financial literacy, customer service, brand management, legal aspects of business, marketing and sales. Our first program was a flop as we were still quite unknown but we persisted and created more awareness. Using social media as a very strong marketing tool, we had more attendees. So far, we have trained over 400 women who have largely gone on to start their small businesses and some who do not have the financial capacity to start, are currently employed until they can. [bctt tweet=”Our first skill acquisition program was a flop as we were still quite unknown but we persisted and created more awareness using Social Media ” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] There are quite a number of women empowerment organizations, what makes yours stand out? In striving for excellence in a sector where there are so many mushroom operators, in 2016, we became an accredited vocational center for Trade Test 1, 2 and 3 and NABTEB (National Business and Technical Examinations Board) exams which further qualifies our trainees to work anywhere in the world. Last year, we observed that a critical challenge our trainees had was having access to capital to purchase equipment. This led us to seek and partner with MISS – Micro Investment Support Services (an equipment leasing company led by Mrs. Elizabeth Ehigiamusoe). With this, our trainees can purchase equipment on loan of up to N500,000 over a tenor of 12 months with a very affordable interest rate. Furthermore, we observed that though our students now had the equipment and technical know-how for business and already had products, a bigger challenge was getting ready buyers. The answer to this was The Women’s Entrepreneurship Fair (WEF) with the vision to connect our women to customers, investors and the government. We had 2 editions last year with women-focused brands such as Access Bank Women banking, Molfix Diapers, Guardian Life, Nobel Carpet and rugs (Lush Hair), Cake World, Orijin Zero, Bella Naija, Fero Mobile, De-united Foods Limited, Cadbury, United Capital Limited, LSETF, among others throwing their weight behind the massively successful event. A lot of our women are still reaping the dividends of those shopping exhibitions and we are looking forward to having more in the near future [bctt tweet=”Without getting any offers, I decided that rather than just sit at home idle, I would learn a skill – Oluwatoyin Egedi” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] What Challenges have you encountered on this journey? Remember I mentioned I was thrown into this journey not of my own will but because of circumstances around me at the time. So it has not been a smooth journey but I’ve been determined as I currently enjoy what I do. Below are some challenges I faced: 1. Wrong Structure: We are a registered social enterprise with the CAC but without any formal educational background in the team, we struggled with the structure a bit before we found our footing. Working with the Federal Ministry of Labour and Productivity’s trade test modules and syllabus likewise NABTEB’s has helped us put a proper structure in place 2. Getting skilled workers: This was difficult for the courses we offer at Rullion but we had to overcome. Courses such as Cosmetology ( hairdressing, nail fixing, makeup and gele tying, Fashion design and accessories, catering and hotel works, and so forth) but as trainers, we have embraced the importance of training and re-training. Some people are of the opinion that if you train your staff, they’ll leave you and become competition. But what if you don’t train them and they stay? It comes back to hurt your brand and what you aim to achieve. Besides, collaboration is a new competition. We can’t do all the work,
Moms — Here are 5 Tricks for a Stress-Free Children’s Holiday
For those who don’t have children, the holidays are full of endless shopping, traveling, entertaining, eating and lots of family time. But for those who have children, it’s an entirely different story. [bctt tweet=”With these few tricks, you can keep your children tuned in for fun while you also enjoy your holiday – @PikinMama” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Holidaying with children can sometimes be quite the adventure – and not in a fun way! From soiled diapers to crying toddlers, the list goes on. However, is it possible for parents to enjoy their holidays without being broken by their children? As a mom, here are some lessons I learned that have helped me survive the holidays. 1. Enjoy every time you get with your little ones I learned to accept the fact that the holiday period is a time to embrace my superpowers and bond with my child. It was not a gruesome punishment or some curse bent on making me unproductive. It was time to play catch up, to try new things together, to experiment and get to know him better. Because I didn’t want to make the same mistake twice, I also worked hard on preparing myself for when school was out. Though I didn’t have much time off, I made sure that with what little I had, I made the time to spend it with my children. 2. Do things with them It’s very easy to simply buy your children toys to entertain themselves or let them watch TV. I learned from my son that this does not always work. Despite eagerly opening his presents, he often became quickly disinterested especially when he had no one to play with. Even with a few hours of TV, he usually had a lot of free room for mischief or adventure. I realized that I need to capitalize on this time to ensure he wasn’t up to any mischief. My first moves were to get in touch with his creativity and engage him in things that we could do together. From messy activities such as decorating cupcakes to playing peek-a-boo, my son was happy and I relaxed knowing he was doing good. 3. Remind them to be nice I have always wanted a super courteous child who is the first to greet all the elderly people that visited form church or his great- grandma and grandpa. But when my son started growing up, I was in for a rude shock. He was awfully rude to them and often had no regard for his elders. This made me livid at my son for letting me down after all the talks we had regarding manners. I realized that I needed to step-up my game through continuous reinforcement of positive behavior. I could have taken my anger out on my son but I realized he was only a child who just needed the right direction. 4. Plan ahead of trips During one particular event, we went out to have lunch. On that day, my son decided to reject every single thing that was offered to him. The only thing he wanted was jollof rice which wasn’t on the menu. He threw a fit over this. Though embarrassing, this experience taught me a great lesson in planning. For large celebrations or when going, I try as much as possible to bring in my son’s favorites. This can include food or even cutlery. My obligation was to ensure my child had a great experience. 5. Maintain routines When going on holidays, everyone usually wants to throw out their usual schedules and simply relax and be lazy. With kids, they tend to take advantage of this period and push their bedtimes. For parents, this becomes quite the difficulty. It is important that we maintain good habits and practice our routines with the children. Sleep is quite essential in ensuring the whole family are relaxed and enjoy the holiday. Therefore, make sure that you maintain the different routines and schedules that are part of your family culture. With these few tricks, you can keep your children tuned in for fun while you also enjoy your holiday. Some say its pure magic, I say its the art of minding children through the holidays. If you’d like to get featured on our Facebook page, click here to share your story with us.
Are children the enemies of progress?
[bctt tweet=”How do you balance the priorities of having a child and building an empire? ” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Being a woman is one of the greatest privileges I feel I have been given in this life. We are all aware of the history of oppression that women have suffered in the past and the many women who fought off the oppressors and paved the way for us. Now we delight in the possibilities and opportunities presented to us, to carve out our own destinies. I once heard someone say, “Some of us (women) have become the men we dreamt of marrying”. That is certainly an ode to all you badass females kicking down doors and handling your business. That is not to say, we don’t need our wonderful men. Should my time upon this earth be up very soon, I will forever be proud of starting Demur and hope to be counted amongst those badass women who have kicked down doors and shaped history. I know I have started something that will forever live on. Along with that, one other thing that I know I want to leave on this earth when my time is up, are some little Noreen’s. Some beautiful children who I can help mould into pleasant human beings who will also go on to make a significant contribution to the world during their time here. I also want to be able to chase them around whilst I’m still young and fit. [bctt tweet=”Is it selfish to want to build something first and delay starting a family?” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Putting your empire building on pause Whilst I am working hard to build an empire and ensure I have all my ducks in a row, the little Noreen’s project is not an urgent one, but it’s one that’s on the agenda. Never mind the fact that I’m fast approaching 30 and should I not reproduce soon, society will be looking at me with cause for concern as if I am some strange creature. The body clock theorists do not help much either. I am surrounded by friends and family members who have given birth in the last 2 years. Not only have I had the joy of watching these beautiful children grow, I am also a godmother to three of these children. I can certainly tell being a mother is not an easy job at all from watching these mothers raise their kids. Being a mother to a young child is very demanding. There are many sacrifices you have to make including for some women, putting their careers on hold. If you are in employment you get your maternity leave and various allowances but when you are going at it alone, can you afford to take a year or so out of your own business? I have a friend who has a business that has just taken off and there are opportunities lined up that will only take her business higher. However, those opportunities require her full attention to go forward and now her partner is asking for kids. She asked me, “Can you choose between having kids and taking your business forward?” You can’t chase two rabbits at the same time that’s for sure. The choice to take a career break and have kids or try and juggle both is a personal one. No one can choose your destiny for you, not even your partner. For me personally, I feel, if I was to have a baby in the next year or two, one is going to have to suffer. It’s either I will not be able to give my child the full attention she deserves (I really really really want a girl first by the way) or I will not be able to fully commit myself to Demur. So, I am seated here asking myself the same question as my friend, what do I want more? To some people that is an absurd question to even ponder about. You cannot compare a baby to a business. Although to a certain extent it often feels like I have a baby already. As much as I can delegate things to other people much like leaving your baby at the babysitters, you still must make sure that the baby is looked after. You must protect your baby, you must protect the integrity of your business. I cannot go on holiday yet without worrying or checking in on Demur, just like a Mother who has left her child at home. [bctt tweet=”You can’t chase two rabbits at the same time that’s for sure” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] So, can my friend say to her partner, “Baby I want a child but you are going to have to wait until I finish building my business,” When will that be though? I can certainly understand why some women chose not to have children at all. Oprah once said she chose not to have children because she knew it would get in the way and well look at the incredible empire she has built. There is no telling whether she would have had the same level of success had she chosen to have kids. You can have your cake and eat it too On the other hand, there are women who show us that you can have it all. Beyoncé had her first child when she had already created a wonderful legacy and went back to business and there is no doubt she will get right back to business after the twins. I once read a quote by Shonda Rhimes, where she said: “Motherhood is not about shrinking down, it’s about showing your kids how to be a powerful woman.” For Shonda Rhimes that means juggling being a mother and running her Shondaland empire. How do you balance the priorities of having a child and building an empire? Is it selfish to want to build something first and delay starting a family? Success is a long winding road, what if it takes you 10,20,30 years to get
The struggles of being a stay-at-home mom
[bctt tweet=”A reluctant stay-at-home mom shares her experience and why she came up with an exit plan” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Any time you see a woman who tells you that her main job is to take care of her children 24/7, know that you just met a stay-at-home mom. The definition for this term is someone who stays at home all day to raise her children and manage her household, while her spouse gracefully assumes the position of a provider. This term has become a cliché in some countries —thousands of women proudly wear this badge in a show of their sacrificial parenthood. In many societies outside Nigeria, stay-at-home moms are often seen as good models of motherhood because it is not everyday you meet a woman so selfless and willing to let go of her financial independence. But the question remains; what does a stay-at-home mom do all day? Is cleaning and doing laundry a daily routine or is she watching ‘Zee World’ or ‘Telemundo’? In this part of the world, there is something so ordinary and basic about being a stay-at-home mom. Out of personal experience and data check, most stay-at-home moms in Nigeria take on this role out of frustration of not getting a job after childbirth or lack of zeal to further pursue career goals. It is, sometimes, very easy to give up trying but the consequence of this decision is a grave one. [bctt tweet=”Most stay-at-home moms in Nigeria take this role because they can’t find a job” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] If by staying at home all day and writing occasionally qualify for being a stay-at-home mom then, I label myself a reluctant one. The state of not being able to be financially independent is one of the lowest that I found myself in. Nigeria happens to be a peculiar country where the depth of one’s pocket determines who the boss is. These days, it is not safe to solely depend on one’s spouse for everything —financial independence is a must for every woman regardless of marital status. Nigeria is a patriarchal space, where being a woman is enough trouble, talk less being a jobless mum. Loss of who I am There are three things that I lost in the period of being a stay-at-home mom. I lost myself, my voice and my bravado. As someone who has previously worked in several highly structured organizations, full time motherhood threw me off balance. Day after day, tiny pieces of my self-confidence began to ebb away as I helplessly watched other women excel in their careers be it as entrepreneurs or career women. Nothing robs us of our joy like the helplessness of not being able to determine one’s fate. I would feel inferior every time I heard the success stories of my colleagues. I began to look for excuses to stay indoors and revel in self-pity. Before I know it, I became a recluse instead of the strong, extrovert and go-getter I used to be. [bctt tweet=”I lost 3 things being a stay-at-home mom; myself, my voice and my bravado” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Being a full time mother opens a door of vulnerability; it reduces us to helpless creatures. I had a rude awakening of this in my second year of marriage when an in-law came around and subtly hinted at my ‘jobless condition’. He constantly tore at any suggestion I made during our family discussions. To him, I was just “an entity whose main job was to breastfeed a child”, as he put it then. The mere fact that I wasn’t bringing in any income was enough reason to shut me up. To him, I didn’t exist, likewise my thoughts, in his mind, I was just a human with mammary glands and a womb to frequently push out babies. One day, I decided that I had had enough, I began to outline ways to get out of this pathetic state. Have a time line It sure doesn’t matter what made me a stay-at-home mom, what is important is the time line for my exit. A frustrated stay-at-home mom, like me, definitely needed a detailed plan on how to put an end to the cycle of helplessness. Questions like these should be included in your time line: When do I pull the plug? How do I integrate myself into the chosen career or business? What are my new strengths? These questions will best guide you on the next step to take when considering an exit. Never stop learning Don’t ever be deluded into thinking that motherhood takes all your time and energy. There are millions of women who are beautifully juggling child rearing with careers; so even while you are stuck being a stay-at-home mom, compel yourself to take lots and lots of self-development courses. Nothing stops an online course or even a distance learning course. These courses will one day help to advance your career. I must confess that it is hard to get back into a career or a business after a hiatus, but it is doable. Since I decided to get back to the corporate world, I have constantly learnt how not to take NO for an answer —I don’t get fazed by the number of rejections, I just keep on pushing. Keep on dreaming This is one thing that kept me sane in my five year stay-at-home mom experience. I never for once stopped dreaming about who I would be in my chosen career. This vision kept me awake at night and gave me a clear perspective on how to attain my career goal. [bctt tweet=”Children need to see their mothers in places of strength and independence” username=”SheLeadsAfrica”] Never allow anything or anyone to rob you the power of dreaming big. I once read online about how children of career women excel in life compared to children raised by stay-at-home moms. Children need to see their mothers in places of strength and independence and let’s be honest, being a stay-at-home mom will never create that reality.
Christine Khasinah-Odero: You can live out your purpose even after becoming a mum
Ever heard of “Mumpreneur”? This term captures the essence of being a mum and entrepreneur. At the forefront of inspiring Mumpreneurs in Kenya is Supamamas, founded by Christine Khasinah-Odero. At first glance, Supamamas is a marketing and events company but when you look further, you find a company that inspires mums. Through events and their website, Supamamas encourages mums to remain in business by imparting the skills needed to thrive. An award winning entrepreneur, Christine created this platform specifically for mums to let women know that they can continue to move towards their dreams even as mothers. If you’re looking to be a flawless Mumpreneur, this one is for you! What makes a woman a Supamama? What makes a woman a Supamama is living your life with intent. To live out the best version of you as a human, as a woman, as a mum and as a professional, whether in business or employed. It is also about striving to be the best version of you. Just because you have become a mum, doesn’t mean that you cannot live out your purpose or dreams. Being a Supamama is about giving your family, your children and society the best of you but not forgetting to invest in yourself. A Supamama continuously learns and strives to achieve her goals. She is also that mum who accepts that she cannot be a super woman. She knows that it’s okay to ask for help and accept help. Tell us, how do you inspire mums in business? When it comes to mums in business, there are specific events we put together that provide an opportunity for Mumpreneurs to come and learn from notable speakers who have been there and are thriving. Our speakers share their personal journeys from which mums are able to learn from. Our invited guests also share practical business tips gained from their experience running businesses. At Supamamas, we also inspire mums in business by sharing their journey on our website. This gives them an opportunity to share how far they have come, while at the same time giving their businesses visibility and connecting them to possible customers. What do young mothers get wrong when it comes to raising children? Helicopter parenting: This means hovering over our kids and being there at their beck and call. We want our kids to have it easy and not fall in any way. So, instead of letting them experience adversity, we clear the path. We remove obstacles to make their life easy, forgetting adversity is a part of life. Only by facing it can our children build life-coping skills they’ll need down the road. So while it seems like we’re doing them a favour, we’re really stunting their growth. We’re putting short-term pay-offs over long-term well-being. Compensating for what they didn’t have as children: Some parents provide over and above the basic needs of their children. Whenever the child asks for something, they give in, literally to everything. This way the kids never learn the value of delayed gratification and not getting everything now. Not spending enough quality time with their children: This is because our lives have become so busy. We either spend many hours working or when at home, get easily distracted by other things. Mums need to make a conscious effort to be present when with their children. It’s best to realize that it’s not the quantity of time we spend with them but the quality. What makes Supamamas stand out from other marketing and events companies? What makes Supamamas different as a company is that we have created a platform that provides an opportunity for companies to connect specifically with mums. Providing an opportunity for companies and brands to engage and have meaningful conversations with their customers or potential customers. Our events are also different in that they are conversational, experiential and interactive. This provides an opportunity for brands to go beyond selling and marketing but also to receive feedback and meaningfully engage. Our events are personal and intimate. Mums who attend them feel special because they can be heard and express themselves. It’s like being part of a big family of mums where we all have a common goal to be the best we can be. The warmth that mums experience at events organized by Supamamas is exceptional. Beyond business we also are keen on mentorship and community service and have organized numerous initiatives mobilizing mums and corporates to give back. One of our notable CSR was a red carpet event for cancer survivors. In 2013, you were a finalist in the “Most Influential Women in Business in Africa SME” category in South Africa’s CEO Magazine. In 2015, you were Country Winner 2015, what do you think changed at Supamamas to cause this win? It was an honour being selected as one of the Country Winner 2015, CEO Magazine Africa’s most influential Women in Business. I believe what played a big part is staying consistent and continuously learning. I’m always looking for what I can do to improve and grow the events, as well as grow our online following and engagement. As an entrepreneur you need to continuously improve, knowing that there is always room to do better. What four skills do Mumpreneurs need to master to avoid burning out? Make your well-being a priority: Setting up a business and growing it is tough. It can really take a toll on you, not only physically but mentally. Mumpreneurs need to make a conscious effort to take care of themselves to push through and prevent burnout. That means eating well, exercising and getting adequate sleep. Nurture friendships and create a support system: For instance, your support system can be with other entrepreneurs. With them, you can share your experiences, frustrations and celebrate the little gains. Being around like-minded people helps to ease the pressure and gives you a sounding board and room to exhale. Creating focus and having a plan: This gives you an idea of what you want to
It’s time to question the strict gender roles placed on women
One of the major gender roles set apart for women is that of the nurturer. But nurturing takes time. It keeps women away from other activities. It drains us emotionally. It makes us places nurturing above other roles. It costs money. It reduces resources available to women. I was born into a family of 7 children and I have 3 children myself. While I am a huge supporter of family life, I believe nurturing is a huge factor of inequality between the genders. Women are raised to believe that nurturing is an exclusively for women. This is deduced from the inter dependency required during the first year or so of a child’s life. But nature does not make mistakes, it was not intended for intense inter dependency to go on forever. In fulfilling gender roles, some women believe that everything else takes a back seat to nurturing. In my opinion this is a box that women create to limit themselves. We have an inherent gift of multitasking and delegation. Yet, a good number of us spend an inordinate amount of time planning and thinking about our roles as mothers or wives. Consider too that other women will go against their instincts to perform these roles due to societal norms, even when they are honestly not interested in being nurturers. The reality Nurturing is an important role for both genders. The inter dependency between a mother and child should be balanced with a father’s participation. A father is just as valuable a parent as a mother and is key to the emotional growth of a child. It’s a partnership and not a sole proprietorship! So dads, bringing in the bacon is not enough. Children also need your socialization, encouragement, advise, direction and love. Having a support system is important for any woman who has a child. We need time to do other things for our own mental stability. Yet, many women pour in too much time on their children and into their children’s life. You don’t need to take your child everywhere. You don’t need to be a drone mum using espionage-like tactics to constantly keep an eye on your child. My children surprise me everyday with their innovative thinking when I give them space to explore and make their own choices. So mums, child rearing is not a 24 hour business. Balance it out, live your life. Be the lioness who hunts and leads with the lion, even though she has cubs. Technology equalises the imbalance Society can balance gender roles with technology. Women can use technology to participate more to society and not feel stifled or limited to the nurturing role. With technology, we can contribute from anywhere and work faster. Women can handle domestic roles and still have time to pursue their aspirations and dreams. For example, parents can can supervise their homes in their absence through nanny cams. Jobs that were previously time and energy consuming can be done quicker and easily with technological innovation. Women have the choice to participate be both mothers and professionals. Education, personal development and skill acquisition are available at a click of a button. E-learning platforms allow users to interact, access premier education without from the comfort of home. I personally favour listening to audiobooks so that I can multitask. Furthermore, technological advances in the prevention and treatment in medicine mean parents don’t have to fret so much over children’s health. This allow parents time to pursue other pursuits. A number of the restrictions and barriers have been lifted by technology. We need to come up with more strategies to equalize gender roles so that men and women can live fulfilling and significant live while still being nurturers. Technology provides us that opportunity, why not capitalize on it?
Young women and marriage: 3 conversations we keep having
Some days ago on a road trip to IITA Ibadan for my company’s annual retreat, there was this huge debate between what I have chosen to call the new school modern family values enthusiasts and the old school traditional family values enthusiasts, over married women and their career choices/decisions. It was a long and interesting conversation, voices were raised, opinions flew back and forth, words were exchanged (although with no ill intents), feelings and sentiments were bruised, perspectives were vehemently challenged and even faith was questioned. At the end of the trip (and as such the conversation), there was no victor and no vanquished, proving (yet again) that: Opinions are formed over time, experiences and the accumulation of a body of knowledge and it takes more than one heated conversation to get people to change those opinions. Back to the reason we are all gathered here today, I think that because of my age, most of the conversations I have with family, friends, acquaintances and even colleagues are pivoted around, you-guessed-right! Marriage. So, while we talk business, entrepreneurship, career and our shared ambition to take over the world, we should also take a moment to address the pink elephant in the room. So, tag along while I attempt to dissect some of the concerns we young women have when it comes to the institution of marriage. The validity of aspiring to marriage With Chimamanda Adichie’s 2013 TED talk (made even popular by Beyonce’s inclusion in the song, Flawless) finding its way into mainstream culture and conversations, we women are gradually being liberated from that flawed conviction that marriage is the gold standard and a ‘mark of success in life’. While this can be called progress in some ways, it also has its downsides. Hold on, let me explain. The feminist-driven academic and journalistic culture celebrating today’s “liberated” women, also in some ways, seeks to suppress a natural need for family that most women have. In recent times, there has been a blizzard of anti-marriage sentiments shared vocally among the female folks especially across social media platforms like Twitter and Facebook. And this is largely because most of them do not want to be seen as aspiring to marriage but hand on heart – and this is quite controversial. I do not know of one woman who does not want to have her own husband and possibly children to come home to after a long day at work. When discussing the issue in an open and public platform, most young women would be quick to put up an air of indifference with respect to marriage but get her alone and the story would be entirely different. There, I’ve said it! (But let’s not forget that this is an entirely unscientific view based only on my circle of friends, acquaintances and interactions with random people). Therefore, my take on this issue is rather simple: as much as marriage is not the holy grail of womanhood, I think wanting to be married and subsequently aspiring to it, is valid! As such, you are allowed to be intentional about it, as you are with work/business. (For more on this please try reading this from Dr. Meg Jay). The dichotomy between marriage and work In 2011, the COO of Facebook Sheryl Sandberg made a statement that went viral; “The most important career choice you’ll make is who you marry.” I only came across this statement last year and it was insightful for me because it reaffirmed a conviction that I have always held and still hold; that the man I marry would take me one step closer to my biggest dreams. Before going further, I should clearly state that I have nothing against stay-at-home mums. On the contrary, any woman who readily gives up the fancy skirt suits and board meetings for house cleaning and grocery shopping has my respect. However, I do not think that marriage and even motherhood has to be a stumbling block on a woman’s pathway to progress. Society typically expects the woman to lean back and make only those career moves that are convenient for her status as a married woman but that does not always have to be the case. Family is a collective and shared responsibility placed equally on both the man and the woman even though both have to function in different capacities. With proper planning, communication and understanding between partners, I believe it is possible for both to raise a decent family without anyone’s dreams or goals suffering for it. This is where Sheryl’s statement becomes important. Because for this to happen and for this system to work, you need a man who acknowledges the validity of your dreams, believes in the weight of your ambitions and is ready and willing to support you towards reaching your goals regardless of what that ‘support’ might involve. So yes, married or single, you are allowed to aspire to heights unimaginable in your personal and professional life and marriage if done right, would serve as a catalyst and not a distraction. Knowing when enough is enough! There are reports that say that every fourth Nigerian woman suffers some form of domestic violence in her life time. The worst forms of these are usually battering, trafficking, rape and homicide. And it seems only sensible that I lend my voice to this recurring social menace that is plaguing our society, the institution of marriage and women in particular. This is however not to say that men do not suffer domestic abuse or to disregard that possibility. On this issue, there really isn’t so much I have to say that would be entirely new to you but this, LEAVE! If you unfortunately find yourself in an abusive relationship, before you consider any other solution or any form of therapy, get yourself out of that situation and environment. No man is allowed to hit you out of love or in an attempt to discipline you or for any other reason that you may want to let yourself believe.
4 simple hacks for combining motherhood & entrepreneurship
Having been an entrepreneur running a market research firm for eight years, I did not give too much thought to how I would handle motherhood and work. Juggling, creating value, and keeping a keen eye on productivity were already familiar hurdles I had already crossed — or so I thought! Very early into a somewhat complicated pregnancy, I knew that I would have to change certain aspects of my orientation if I was ever to be productive again; I don’t mean that as a hyperbole. Along with warmly welcoming motherhood, I was left wondering whether I could continue the business I had built. While it has been and still continues to be a wobbly journey to finding my footing as a CEO mommy, here are several tips I’ve picked up along the way, which can help to keep the lights on even as your little bub requires more and more from you. 1. Compartmentalize your life Divide your days and hours into blocks and devote 100% of your time within any specific block to whatever task you’ve assigned it. One of the great things about being a business owner is the flexibility it allows — you are not restricted to a strict schedule of work. If you have to make dinner by 6pm, play peek-a-boo with bubba till 8pm, and then hit that laptop till 11pm, then do it. Trying to answer emails while playing peek-a-boo is the key to being frustrated and burning out. Whatever you set out to do, try to be present for the time assigned to it. 2. Delegate with gusto It will not be perfect and it may take longer, but it will be done and sometimes that’s what’s most important. At work, break tasks into little bits and ask colleagues, friends, family — anyone— to help you get those little bits done. At home, take the time to build a support system and don’t be shy to accept help from loved ones or to voice requests for domestic help — even if help doesn’t come in exactly the same format as it would if the task were completed by you. There will be times when your spouse does not buy exactly the same diapers baby wears or the nanny does not feed the little one at the right time, but at least those tasks are done, and that truly is the big picture. 3. Ditch perfectionism You will drop the ball. You will drop the ball more than once. There will be very little explanation (outside of yelling, “Can’t you see how busy my life is right now?”). Give yourself a little time to get back to your old levels of productivity. Allow some lax time for deadlines and let those depending on you know that there will be just a little give or take. It is perhaps more important than ever to set yourself a task list except this time, success will look like crossing off two-thirds (or maybe even half?) of your list rather than the 100% get it done amazon that you are. 4. Prioritize Sleep In this crazy world were everyone seems to be rushing to and fro, and there are incredibly much more tasks getting added than getting done, it may seem frivolous to be rigid about your beauty sleep. It is not. Many studies have shown that sleep is one of the best ways to clear the mind (thereby increasing productivity), reduce stress, replenish depleted energy, and more (another is exercise). It can even help with weight loss! If you are lucky and able, schedule in power naps and let everyone in your office know that you are not available during those hours. If you cannot, try to schedule in catch up naps during the weekend. Try just 20 minutes at a go for starters, and then increase gradually as you feel more confident about your sleep priority. In the final analysis, what truly matters to all of us is that our loved ones are proud of us and proud of the person we’ve become along the way. No matter what your choices, your child will most likely look over your body of work and be proud of the courage it took to follow your dreams and fulfill your potential. So don’t be afraid to explore and find your own rhythm —in whatever quirky combination— so long as it works for you and your family, then you will already be quite a success and inspiration!
Divinity Matovu: You don’t want women dropping out of the workforce
She Leads Africa interviewed Cofounder and CEO of MBA Mama, Divinity Matovu. As a mother of two, she is pursuing her MBA at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania with a focus on entrepreneurial management and finance. She has launched four start-ups, lived and worked in East Africa and prides herself on being a global citizen and an advocate for women’s empowerment. This is what she had to say about navigating family and career planning as an MBA Mama. “The biggest barrier for women with children interested in pursuing their MBA, women in business is: childcare. Many women find themselves saying: Oh, I have a child, I’m not going to be able to keep up. What will I do about childcare? Will I have any money going in? If we can develop something that helps women to save time and money on childcare, it becomes much easier to have a conversation and for them to continue advancing in their careers. You don’t want highly educated, highly qualified, and highly trained women dropping out of the workforce. Our brand, MBA Mama, makes visible: women who successfully maintain their careers after maternity leave and even women who have children during the MBA. We are an online platform that provides ambitious women with tools and resources to leverage an MBA, and strategically navigate family and career planning. Because of the childcare issues, there are a lot of women who are not at the table to lean in. That is not good for our economy or for business. We want to help women navigate having a child during their post MBA career so that they don’t fall behind their male peers, and so that they don’t feel like they have to drop out of the work force. From our perspective, an MBA is a great degree that women should leverage to have career advancement. Firstly, an MBA is a graduate degree with the highest return on investment. During the MBA program, you can gain a set of skills that are transferable to any industry and add value to any career. An MBA can increase your access to an excellent network. Lastly, the types of careers available post MBA have wonderful benefits.” Whether you’re a mother, a woman who is passionate about going back to school, a woman interested in starting a family or all of the above, Divinity provides you with these useful tips. Here’s her top three tips for a successful family planning during the MBA: 1. Timing is crucial There are quite a few women who are timing their ovulation cycle when pursuing their MBA. They work with their partners to make sure that they will be pregnant when they want to be pregnant. These women give birth during the winter break, which is 3-4 weeks. They come back that next semester, and for most of them, they are only taking classes maybe two days a week. There are also women who work to have children the summer before they start full-time work, and after they graduate. 2. Maintain consistent family time When I’m with my daughter, I’m with my daughter. I’m unplugged and not checking emails or on social media. My philosophy is: quality of our time together as opposed to quantity. Even though I’m really busy, that really helps us to maximize our time. So, figure out what time works best for you. Mornings are really good for us because we’re up and about and getting ready together. 3. Prepare for the week I do meal preps on Sunday. So, I cook many meals on Sunday and then I’ll Tupperware everything into portions so that throughout the first three days of the week I have all of my meals ready to go. We do take out Thursdays, so I know I don’t have to cook dinner that day. Fridays and Saturdays are easy, because I don’t have class. Sunday, I start my meal prep again. On her four tips on successful business planning: 1. Create your own brand I am an MBA Mama, and I see myself in my consumers. I’m investing time in the community and I hope that leads people to our brand. I launched the company and was very excited to get my partner Nicole on board. That was a challenge because I had to make sure that my vision was clear, and that I could get someone else to buy into the idea. 2. Gain Financial Skills Finance is central to any business operation. You can have a great brand and people can be excited about what you’re doing, but if you don’t know how to manage the money, if you don’t know how to read a balance sheet, and if you don’t know how to get your finances in order—nothing else really matters. 3. If you want to build an online community, communicate and be engaged Be engaged with your online community—whether that’s responding to a tweet or re-tweeting someone mentioning your brand, communicating with fans on Instagram or featuring people on your blog. By staying connected, people know that you actually see enough value in what they have to say. 4. Utilize Social Media! Finally, any of word-of-mouth that can help your business will be good for your brand. People love referrals because it’s a trusted source and it’s even more trusted than paid advertisements. Through our blogs people find us, and the women we feature also spread the word to their followers. Also, we feature women who share their stories through our “MBA Mama of The Month Initiative.” If someone can recommend your brand by word-of-mouth, that’s really the best way.